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Vive le Valleycliffe libre! (03.14.03)
Ahhh, now I get it. Everyone is crazy. That's the only possible explanation I can conceive whenever anything remotely newsworthy happens.
In a matter of days the most bizarre reality show ever will turn into an action/adventure/tragedy when star George Bush uses his army go get his oil that mysteriously appeared under Iraq's sand.
Then of course there's our pickled premier, who continues to dismantle BC Hydro. Sure, private hydro has proven disastrous all over the world, but I'm sure it's the answer here.
I tell ya, when you're living in a fruit salad world, you really appreciate the cherries. This week, my cherry arrived in the sweet form of a letter from a friend.
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Hey, Bryan, long time no see. I've been keeping my head down but spirits up, the games not over for your ol' pal Rusty.
ˇViva la revolucion! That?s right, now is the time! Born out of necessity and fueled on hope, it's the Valleycliffe Separatist Movement! Frankly I can't believe Brackendale didn't do it first. It's absolutely brilliant, dare I even say the perfect crime.
We've got the hospital, there's a pub, post office, laundromat, video store, and corner store with sugar in all its many delicious forms. Not to mention the Stawamus Chief and fresh water. Yup, it's almost too perfect.
Our first plan of attack is to close the entrance at the top of the hill. Luckily the new lights have been recently installed at the old Totem Hall suicide crossing. That will now be the main entrance if for no other reason than it's a really cool drive, and in the fall it looks just like the Batcave.
Of course, as with any separation, ties must remain to the outside sectors. The Dentville Militia is sympathetic to our cause. They've come to the plate with mashed potatoes and moral support. Plus they'd do a beer run if we asked nicely.
As for Brackendale, I sincerely doubt they will even notice. Well, that is until we lure their precious eagles here (see: fiendish plot #726) Yes, ours will be a fair and just society. I promise dancing girls and feisty boys.
Basically, what I'm shooting for here is Utopia, but I remain realistic. The taste of power, she is sweet. I give my self, realistically, six months of giving peace a chance before the lure of Evil Corrupt Dictator becomes too strong. You've got to admit it looks like a blast if you're on top. Perhaps I could rule with a softer, gentler iron fist?
Well I should motor, our fund-raising efforts begin today. We're selling duct tape security blankets on EBay.
Revolution is fun; it's the paperwork that sucks.
Your friend,
Rusty Shackleford
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